


I Would Jump Out My Skin Just To Get You

by Fallenstar92



Series: Ian And Mickey's Love story (songfics) [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Ian, Cheating, Drug Abuse, Established Relationship, I'm Sorry, M/M, Oblivious Ian, Relationship Problems, Sad, Sad Mickey, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 04:04:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11394981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenstar92/pseuds/Fallenstar92
Summary: Ian doesn't realize how badly he's hurting Mickey, because Mickey always claims he's fine.Loosely based on "Capsize" by FRENSHIP And Emily Warren.





	I Would Jump Out My Skin Just To Get You

  _How could you have ever known_

  _If I never let it show, now I just wanna know are you?_

* * *

Mickey didn't expect Ian to know how much he was hurting inside; how could he? Whenever Ian was around Mickey would act as much like his old self as he could, and if Ian sensed something was wrong, Mickey would say he was fine and make some stupid fucking joke about Ian acting gay. But Mickey wasn't fine; he knew Ian was cheating-not that he could completely blame Ian when he knew his disorder could cause hyper sexuality and Mickey just couldn't fucking keep up with him-and it broke Mickey's heart everytime he saw "Trevor" or "Caleb" on his boyfriend's caller ID when Ian was actually home. "Hey, I gotta go." Ian said as he made his way back into the living room where he'd left Mickey when Caleb called him.

"You okay, Mick?" Ian asked looking down at Mickey on the couch.

"Fine." Mickey said with a clearly fake smile plastered on his face. "Love you."

"Love you, too." Ian replied, pecking Mickey on the cheek before leaving their tiny apartment.

* * *

  _I'm fine_

_Drop tears in the morning_

_Give in to the lonely_

_Here it comes with no warning_

_Capsize, I'm first in the water_

_Too close to the bottom_

_I'm right back where I started_

_Said I'm fine_

* * *

Mickey couldn't tell you when he turned into the whiney little bitch who cried in the fucking shower the mornings he woke up without his boyfriend having returned to their apartment the night before, but that was where he found himself, right now. "Fuck you, Gallagher!" He sobbed as he sat on the shower floor, knees pressed tightly to his chest. Mickey was no fucking saint, but he deserved better than this; better than his boyfriend-the man he fucking loved-not even caring to hide his affairs. If he was a stronger man, he would've left Ian the second he first realized Ian was fucking around, but he had built his whole fucking life around the redhead who probably had his cock down another man's throat as he sat there like some bitch.

Not anymore, Mickey decided; he was gonna pull himself together and stop sitting around waiting for Ian's freckled ass to deem him worthy of his fucking time.

* * *

  _And three words have never come easy_

_'Cause you're more than they ever could be_

_Oh my God, oh my God_

* * *

Telling Ian "I love you" for the first time had been the hardest fucking thing Mickey had ever done, and recently he found he couldn't even say it when Ian said it first; those three words could never mean as much as Ian means to Mickey. "Hey, gotta get to work." Ian said as he darted out of the bathroom one morning, already in his EMT uniform. "I'll stop and get us some pizza on the way home, tonight." Ian promised, leaning over to kiss Mickey's full lips, but the other man just turned his head, causing Ian to kiss his cheek, instead. "Love you." Ian said as he pulled away, a hopeful expression on his face.

"You, too." Was Mickey's reply; he couldn't even tell his fucking boyfriend he loved him, anymore.

"Mick, are you okay?" Ian asked, concern clear in his voice.

"I'm fine." Mickey replied with no emotion in his voice; he wasn't fucking "fine" at all.

* * *

_I'm fine_

_Drop tears in the morning_

_Give in to the lonely_

_Here it comes with no warning_

_Capsize, I'm first in the water_

_Too close to the bottom_

_I'm right back where I started_

_Said I'm fine_

* * *

The coke started out as him just hanging out with his brothers when they had some, and before Mickey knew it he couldn't go a day without the shit. He was starting to lose weight and act fucking jittery as hell, and Ian noticed; he spent more time at home, trying to figure out what was going on with the brunette man. That only lasted a week, though-during that week Mickey didn't feel like he needed the fucking coke as much-before he was back to his old ways, and so was Mickey. Ian walked into the apartment around three in the morning, only to be met with the sound of sobbing from the bedroom.

"Mick?" Ian called out, running to the bedroom to see what was wrong with his blue-eyed boyfriend. "Mick... Mick, what's wrong, sweetie?" Ian asked softly, moving to sit on the bed beside the sobbing man.

"I'm not enough." Mickey slurred, clearly high off his ass. "You gotta go out and fuck other guys 'cause I'm not enough." Ian was shocked; he had no idea Mickey knew about Caleb or Trevor, or that he felt this way.

"That's not true, Mickey." Ian swore, rubbing Mickey's side as he continued to cry. "What're you on, sweetie?"

"Did some Coke." Mickey admitted through sniffles and tears.

"That what you been on this whole time?" Ian had seen people on coke-had done it himself, a few times-but had never seen anyone act like this on the shit.

"Until I fuckin' ran out." Mickey hiccuped. So Mickey wasn't high; he was withdrawing. "Needed somethin' to make me feel okay, again."

"Mickey..." Ian's heart shattered; he'd made Mickey feel like he was nothing, and he hadn't realized it. "I'll stop."

"Bullshit." Mickey said in a weak, pained laugh.

"You quit doin' coke, and I'll never fuck another man as long as I live." Ian promised. "We'll get through this shit, together."

* * *

  _I'm swimming up against the tide_

_Oh my God_

_I'm swimming but I'm getting tired_

_Oh my God_

_I'm swimming up against the tide_

_Oh my God_

_I'm swimming but I'm getting tired_

_Oh my God_

* * *

The first few weeks were fucking hard on both men-Ian, because he kept getting calls and texts from Trevor and Caleb, and Mickey, because he felt like he was being torn apart from the inside out-but they got through it. Mickey found he was soon able to tell Ian he loved him, again, and his smiles were actually real. Getting on the proper medication had been a major adjustment for Ian, but-with the help and support of his boyfriend-he managed to stick with it. "Tired." Ian yawned, laying his head on Mickey's leg as they watched TV three months after they started getting their shit together.

"Go to sleep, babe." Mickey said in a low, soothing voice as he massaged Ian's scalp.

"We okay?" Ian asked drowsily.

"We're fine." Mickey said, honestly. They had a pretty fucking bad rough patch, but they would be okay.

* * *

_I think about you, love you, and I'm filled with pride_

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely love this song, and thought it would be a good start in my attempts to write songfics. Leave me some comments to let me know how you felt about it, and if you have any song suggestions leave them in the comments. Much love!


End file.
